"It starts out good. Then when I'm in these relationships with people who are also creative, or creative in their own way, what happens is the attraction is initially there, and it's all unicorns and rainbows. And then they hate me.
"It's a hideous place to be in when someone that you love has convinced you that you will never be good enough for anyone."
Might we suggest the new relationship video by Kim Kardashian?
RICKY MARTIN GIVES US 'GLEE'
There's a hot new teacher heading for McKinley High - Ricky Martin.
He's apparently signed up for a guest role on "Glee" as a Spanish teacher who shakes his bon bon in a couple of musical numbers. The episode is expected to air in late January.
One insider is calling Ricky "the hottest Spanish teacher ever in the history of Ohio."
So ... holding ... our ... breath.
CALLING ALL FANS OF 'NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD'
A sound engineer who worked on George Romero's cult classic, "Night of the Living Dead," is trying to raise $50,000 to repair the chapel at Evans City Cemetery in southwestern Pennsylvania, the little stone building featured in several scenes.
The cemetery association wanted to tear down the boarded-up building. But in September, the group put those plans on hold for one year while Gary Streiner tries to raise renovation money. (He's the brother of actor Russell Streiner, who played Johnny in the movie.) He's reportedly gathered $7,000 so far.
Gary, who has launched an online campaign at fixthechapel.com, thinks the chapel can be turned into a movie museum or be rented for public events like, oh, zombie-themed weddings.
"He's come up with great ideas to raise money, but 50 grand is going to be tough to raise, I think," says Ron Volz, president of the cemetery association, who praised Gary's efforts. "But if he gets zombies from all over the United States to contribute ... he can raise it."
JLO'S FIAT FIASCO
Jennifer Lopez found herself in PR hot water last week when someone spilled the beans that parts of her new commercial for Fiat - the one where she's supposedly rolling through the 'hood of her native Bronx - were actually filmed on an L.A. soundstage.
Now, a group of Bronx graffiti artists are mad because Fiat didn't have permission to use their mural as a backdrop in the ad.
"Everyone started congratulating us on the commercial and we're like, 'what commercial?' " says Wilfredo Feliciano, one of the artists in a group known as TATS Cru.
The group has hired a lawyer. Fiat is investigating.
TYLER'S TICKED OFF
Tyler Perry, who has been very open about being abused when he was growing up, is speaking his mind on the Jerry Sandusky affair. In a letter published by Newsweek, he calls the former Penn State coach a "coward and very sick individual."
And he offers hope to one of the coach's alleged victims.
"I don't know your name, but I know your face. I don't know your journey, but I know where you are. I am your brother!" Tyler writes. "I must tell you, what you have done is so courageous. The strength that it must have taken for your 11-year-old voice to speak out about such a horrible act is something that I didn't have the strength or courage to do at that age."
He adds that "millions of young boys and grown men are standing with you. Now fight on, my young friend, fight on!"
The coach, who has publicly proclaimed his innocence, has been charged with 40 counts of sexual abuse against children.
EASY AS PIE
Don McLean has set the record straight on the origins of "American Pie."
Legend has long held that Don wrote the 1971 anthem on cocktail napkins in a bar in Saratoga Springs, N.Y. But Don, 66, tells the Post-Star of Glens Falls that he actually wrote the song in Philadelphia and performed it for the first time at Temple University - not at a coffeehouse around the corner from the bar in Saratoga Springs.
Then he drove his Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry... .
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