News Column

Strange talk ; Subtle hint Hands up To his credit Pain for Spain Game for a laugh Night vision Sun goes down

June 20, 2014

ken smith; ken smith the diary

SOME great lines come from the radio.

Roy Gullane tells us: "I heard this little gem on a radio talk show. 'We have to study this carefully, the last thing we need is a knee trembler reaction.'

Freudian slip perhaps?"

BAR staff continued. Moyra Peffer tells us: "An American on holiday in Glasgow was out for a meal with friends at an upmarket restaurant in the Merchant City.

"Enjoying their coffees and liqueurs, the waitress appeared at the table, unannounced, with the bill, her coat on, and with the request, 'Gonnae pay yer bill so I can catch the last bus home, pal?'."

AND a south side reader was in one of the city's more traditional bars where she called out an order to a very busy barman.

"What do you think I am? An octopus?" he shouted back as he continued to deal with previous customers.

"THE bank phoned me because of suspicious activity on my credit card," said the chap in the Glasgow pub the other night.

"They couldn't believe I'd joined a gym."

SOME upsets already in the World Cup.

Ian Power goes all My Fair Lady on us and tells us: "The reign of Spain falls, and they're mainly on the plane."

ADVICE to Commonweatlh Games visitors to Glasgow continued.

The stand-up Janey Godley has mentioned a few on the Journeys to Glasgow website including:

l The cone which is on Wellington's head is not graffiti, it's similar to the ravens in the Tower of London, if it's removed, Glasgow will fall. So our people replace it constantly.

l We have slang for most things. Ruby Murray is a curry, nobody remembers who she is. Hampden roar means 'score' and Oscar Slater means 'later'.

l If you hear screaming at 3am in the street, that's either the foxes or the mating call of Glaswegians and nobody is fighting. We fight silently.

A READER sends us a link to a website giving the pros and cons of various universities. We are drawn to a comment about St Andrews University. There, an observer of student-life there opines: "It's dark for 10 months of the year so they all have excellent eyesight. Like badgers."

"MY son wanted to know where the sun went at night," a Kelvinside reader phones to tell us. "So I told him to sit up all night and he'd find out. It finally dawned on him at about half four this morning."

On the buses

BRILLIANT weather in Glasgow yesterday, but certain standards are still kept.

A reader watched as a young chap with his "tap aff" in the sunshine boarded a FirstBus in the city centre.

However, after a quick conversation with the driver the young chap jumped off the bus, fished his t-shirt out of a plastic bag, put it on, and jumped back on the bus. "Who knew," said our reader, "that Glasgow buses have a dress code."


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Source: Herald, The (Scotland)


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