Some people might think that suggestion to
That's what the nonprofit Tree Pittsburgh did on Tuesday, when it eschewed hiring laborers and brought a herd of about 30 goats to graze on vegetation along a Polish Hill hillside. The goats soon had a bellyful of plants, weeds and vines that could have threatened 110 trees the organization plans to plant there.
Could be a win-win for the city and the zoo. The city could trim personnel costs, and the zoo might receive national accolades for unprecedented vocational training provided to its creatures.
Obviously, not every job could be outsourced to the animal kingdom. But certain animals seem to be near-perfect matches for certain positions.
All it would take is for city officials to outdo Dolittle -- and with a name like his, how difficult could that be?
Position: 311 Line response center operator
These majestic beasts' ferocious roars would intimidate callers to the city complaint line (oops, I mean calls to what officially is referred to as the "non-emergency concerns" number).
Complaints could drop dramatically, as people prematurely hang up out of fear the 311 operator could use Caller ID and Google Maps to track down and devour them.
Position: Country music concert cleanup crew
Since they often dine on scraps and garbage, pigs would be perfect animals to patrol parking lots and streets around
As conditions deteriorate and fans strew tons of garbage on the ground, it finally would be possible to conclusively determine whether piggish tailgaters enjoy rolling around in slop more than actual swine.
Position: Asphalt compactor
Why have Public Works employees manually tamp down newly patched potholes, or use a rolling machine to ensure the smoothness of a freshly paved street? If you've seen circus elephants perform, you know they can be trained to use their enormous feet to perform those tasks.
Let Dumbo do the dirty work.
Position: Swimming pool lifeguards
Experiencing difficulty in the deep end? Make this personnel move and there would be no need to wait for a suntanning lifeguard to climb out of his or her chair. Just grab hold of a passing dolphin swimming nearby.
It would cost far more to pay lifeguards than to feed dolphins, which subsist largely on bottom-dwelling invertebrates.
There's no need to scour the sea floor for those.
Plenty can be found in high-paying positions in the
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