News Column

Columbus Ledger-Enquirer Sonya Sorich column

August 25, 2013

YellowBrix

Aug. 25--Even MTV awards shows have succumbed to some level of predictability.

Hours before tonight's show, we can assume someone will wear something inappropriate, someone will say something moderately offensive and nearly nobody will be able to recite a list of winners 24 hours later.

But many of us will still watch.

The 2013 MTV Video Music Awards airs 9 tonight on MTV. Visit ledger-enquirer.com/sonya for updates throughout the show, which will be broadcast live from the Barclays Center in Brooklyn.

Don't dismiss the possibility you'll see some truly shocking moments. But chances are, I can already describe your viewing experience with a good level of accuracy. Here's what I think will happen tonight.

9 p.m.

Lady Gaga opens the show by performing her new song, "Applause." Despite recent photos of Gaga looking relatively normal, she won't depart from her usual eclectic antics. Expectations for the performance will inevitably be too high, leading many viewers to reminisce about Gaga's "Poker Face" days.

9:20

At an early lull in the show, you'll hit social media and write what you think is a totally witty and original tweet reflecting on MTV's current failure to play music videos. There's a good chance thousands of people have already made the same joke.

9:40

You contemplate changing the channel to "Sister Wives," which is simultaneously airing on TLC. Then Kanye West appears on screen. You stick with the MTV awards, secretly expecting a reeenactment of the Kanye West-Taylor Swift debacle that dominated the ceremony in 2009. That doesn't happen. Instead, you're left with confusion, greater hatred for Kim Kardashian and regret over skipping "Sister Wives."

10:00

You realize we're an hour into the show and they've only handed out three awards.

10:15

This seems like a perfect time for Justin Timberlake to accept the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. With luck, it will coincide with the highly anticipated *NSYNC reunion performance that was rumored at press time. If that happens, viewers will likely test Google's limits by frantically searching for life updates on Lance Bass. They're also really curious about the quirky guy, but they can't remember his name. (FYI: It's Chris Kirkpatrick.)

10:20

Amid camera close-ups on audience members, you're especially confused about how one quasi-celebrity earned the right to attend the show. I'm guessing it's a "Teen Mom" cast member.

10:30

You contemplate abandoning the show entirely, but you're clinging to a slight hope that Pink will show up for an unannounced performance involving those cool aerial circus tricks.

10:45

I assume this is a perfect time for an awkward "twerking" moment involving Miley Cyrus.

10:55

Time to reveal the Video of the Year winner. Contenders include Bruno Mars, Taylor Swift, Justin Timberlake, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis featuring Wanz and Robin Thicke featuring T.I. and Pharrell. Who will get the big award? I'm not sure, but I'm leaning toward Justin Timberlake. The only certain thing about this moment is that somewhere, Taylor Swift will be making her signature "aw, shucks" face.

11:00

We're done! Well, assuming the show doesn't run overtime. When things wrap up, you'll either praise my psychic abilities are curse me for being wrong about a night dominated by shock value. Surprisingly, I hope it's the latter.

___

(c)2013 the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer (Columbus, Ga.)

Visit the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer (Columbus, Ga.) at www.ledger-enquirer.com

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