Here is one last, highly irreverent look at the year in film:
Biggest disappointment: Joss Whedon's "The Avengers."
Biggest disappointment still worth seeing: Paul Thomas Anderson's self-obsessed "The Master" was a pretentious bore, but Joaquin Phoenix's portrayal of a self-destructive loner was as ferocious a performance as Robert De Niro's in "Raging Bull."
Best movie that needed time to grow on you: Whit Stillman's "Damsels in Distress." For the first 10 minutes, you're like "Whaaaat?" After that, you're like "Ha ha ha!"
Best safety lesson tucked inside a summer blockbuster: "Prometheus." When being chased by a giant rolling spaceship shaped like a doughnut, it's better to run parallel to the vehicle instead of trying to cross directly in its path.
Most entertaining example of how Hollywood can help save lives: In "Argo," a CIA agent hires some studio reps to pose as a film crew in order to rescue six people stranded during the Iran hostage crisis. The power of movies!
Most mind-bending moment: Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, two versions of the same man at different ages, sit down for a conversation at a diner in the time-travel thriller "Looper."
Most whimsical image: An enormous treehouse sits high atop a tree as thick as a toothpick in "Moonrise Kingdom."
Best sequel: None.
Most superfluous sequel: "Men in Black 3."
Most disappointing sequel: "American Reunion."
Worst sequel: "Taken 2."
Worst remake: "Total Recall."
Most satisfying end of a trilogy: "The Dark Knight Rises."
Most surprising end of a franchise: "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2," in which things are finally allowed to get crazy.
Least promising start of a franchise: "The Hunger Games."
Best entry in a continuing franchise: "Skyfall." Bond has never been better.
Most distracting use of soft-focus to hide the actors' out-of-control facelifts: "The Expendables 2."
Saddest sight: A rusty Arnold Schwarzenegger wincing as he fires a machine gun in "The Expendables 2."
Scariest sight: Jean-Claude Van Damme's plastic surgery in "The Expendables 2."
Best closing shot: As the music swells, a man stands before an enormous rising platform in "The Dark Knight Rises": A new hero is born.
Worst closing shot: Donald Sutherland looking annoyed in "The Hunger Games," as if he was stuck in a long checkout line at the grocery store.
Best action movie: "The Raid: Redemption". Relentless.
Worst action movie: "Red Dawn." The movie was delayed for two years. Should have stayed on the shelf.
Least exciting action movie: Steven Soderbergh's curiously uninvolving "Haywire."
Biggest cop-out: The ending of Oliver Stone's ludicrous "Savages." We were only kidding!
Most creative use of the found-footage format: The superhero movie "Chronicle."
Best line that doesn't make any sense taken out of context: "The harbinger is on line two," from "The Cabin in the Woods."
Best raise-the-roof moment: The Hulk uses Loki as a fly swatter in "The Avengers."
Best close-but-no-cigar attempt at something totally different: "Cloud Atlas."
Most successful attempt at something totally different: Leos Carax's indescribable "Holy Motors."
Most admirable attempt at something totally different: Will Ferrell's "Casa de Mi Padre," which was set in Mexico and spoken entirely in Spanish. The joke got old after awhile, though.
Best romantic comedy: "The Silver Linings Playbook." Crazies in love.
Most surprisingly fun romantic comedy: "Think Like a Man."
Worst romantic comedy: "This Means War."
Creepiest romantic comedy: "People Like Us," in which a man pretends to woo a woman he knows to be his half-sister.
Most convincing evidence Tim Burton has run out of gas: "Dark Shadows" and the warmed-over leftover "Frankenweenie."
Coolest sound effect: The thwap-thwap of the propellers of the special low-noise, hard-to-detect helicopters used during the raid on Osama bin Laden's compound in "Zero Dark Thirty."
Most horrifying plot twist: In "Kill List," two hit men carrying out orders try to execute the wrong guy. Suddenly, we are in "The Wicker Man" territory.
Best car chase: Tom Cruise chases the bad guys while cops chase him in "Jack Reacher."
Worst car chase: The bicycle-messenger thriller "Premium Rush."
Funniest out-of-nowhere comedic bit in an otherwise serious movie: KKK members (including Jonah Hill) complain about not being able to see through their hoods in "Django Unchained."
Best documentary structured as a mystery: "Searching for Sugar Man."
Most bloated movie: "Flight." After that horrifying plane crash, the rest of the movie went nowhere - for 2 1/2 hours.
Most bloated movie that at least looked cool: "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" was at least 45 minutes too long, but the 3-D and high frame rate kept your eyes entertained.
Best reboot: "The Amazing Spider-Man."
Best horror movie disguised as a cop drama: Two LAPD patrol officers (Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Pena) get into increasingly harrowing situations in "End of Watch."
Most lurid, over-the-top movie: "The Paperboy." Lee Daniels later said he intended to make a comedy. Sure, dude. Whatever you say.
Best place for single guys who want to meet women: The theater lobby showing the male stripper comedy "Magic Mike."
Further proof that whenever Hollywood races to make two competing movies about the same subject, they both turn out bad: "Mirror, Mirror" and "Snow White and the Huntsman."
Best marketed movie: "Prometheus." The extensive ad campaign was better than the film.
Worst marketed movie: "John Carter." It's as if the studio did everything it could to make the film look bad.
Best example of a good gag overstaying its welcome: The foul-mouthed teddy bear from "Ted." Shut up, already.
Best use of 3-D: Ang Lee's eye-popping "Life of Pi."
Worst use of 3-D: "Wrath of the Titans."
Most needless use of 3-D: "The Avengers."
Best photographed film: "Skyfall," shot by the great cinematographer Roger Deakins ("No Country for Old Men," "The Big Lebowski").
Most convincing proof mankind's future is bright: Adam Sandler's "That's My Boy" and the jukebox musical "Rock of Ages" both bombed.
Worst movie: "The Devil Inside."
Most pretentious attempt to invest a simple genre movie with profundity: "The Grey." Too much philosophizing, not enough wolf-punching.
Most badly squandered high-concept movie: "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter."
Best Blu-ray released in 2012: "Jaws." Worth the money for the extras alone.
Further proof Judd Apatow needs a new editor: The endless "This Is 40" and "The Five-Year Engagement."
Best argument for sticking to what you know: Tyler Perry set aside the Madea drag and tried to go the tough guy route in "Alex Cross."
Best use of a pop song: Dexy's Midnight Runners' "Come On Eileen" in "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." When you're young, the right song at the right time can cure any ills.
Most disappointing finish after a promising start: Martin McDonagh's scabrously funny "Seven Psychopaths" deflated once the movie took the meta route and tried to turn into "Adaptation" for gangster pictures.
Biggest botch of excellent source material: "Hitchcock," which was supposed to be about the making of "Psycho" but focused more on the director's marital woes.
Biggest gross-out: A psychopath, a chicken drumstick and a bloodied Gina Gershon in William Friedkin's NC-17 "Killer Joe."
Best "all bets are off" moment: The elevator doors open in "The Cabin in the Woods."
Biggest miscalculation: Going the gooey and sentimental route instead of staying funny in the apocalyptic comedy "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World."
Best 2012 movie that won't open most places until 2013: Michael Haneke's "Amour."
2013 movie I'm anticipating the most: Guillermo del Toro's "Pacific Rim."
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